December is finally almost over. It is time to celebrate because December has sucked giant donkey balls.
Seriously it’s been terrible.
It started out with sick kids…. the eldest had pink eye. This is not really that bad in the grand scheme of things but it requires eye drops. If you have never had to give a kid eye drops you cannot understand how terrible that is. It’s really a 3 person job. On person has to sit on the kid and hold his/her arms down, the second person has to hold the head still and pry their little eyes open, the third kid has to act fast and deposit a single drop into the child’s eye in the half millisecond person two is able to get the eyelids apart.
Here is the problem with that…. I don’t have three adults who can help me do this 2x a day for 10 days. I have one other adult and a toddler. This translates to one person having to give my kid eye drops. Usually me. How does that shit work? I have to straddle my child with her head between my knees and her arms trapped under my calves attempting to pry open her eye with one hand and give her a drop with the other. The entire time you are worried that your neighbor without kids is going to hear and call the cops on you.
I estimate about a 60% success rating with this method. Which is probably why she got pink eye again.
The next super fun thing was me getting into a car accident the morning that I was supposed to go get some testing in order to get my promotion. I rear ended someone… He then rear ended the car in front of him… She then rear ended the car in front of her. (That makes 4 cars total). The accident wasn’t all that bad, and everyone commented on how lucky we were that no one was hurt. Two days later I noticed one of my shoulders was about 2″ lower than the other one and I was doing this weird lean-y thing to compensate. Two weeks later I got notified by my insurance company that two of the other parties involved had retained lawyers and were complaining of severe back and neck pain. Fuck my life.
Still it wasn’t terrible. I saw a chiro a couple times, got evened out, and reminded myself why we carry so much insurance.
Then I got the ‘feels just like the flu but isn’t actually the flu’ virus. I don’t know how it isn’t the flu… I was running a 103 fever for 4 days, everything hurt, I could barely move or think or sleep or do much of anything. It was pretty terrible. The doctor gave me a flu test, which thankfully came back negative. Something like that. Having a flu like virus means you still hate life and wish for death, but none of the good drugs work to make you feel like a human.
I did get the flu shot this year just in case you were wondering. First time in years… a lot of years.
Then the toddler got sick. For Christmas… yeah! It wasn’t anything terrible, just a cold and an ear infection. A super awesome ear infection that left her screaming and crying and angry at the world because everything hurts and her balance is totally thrown off. It only took 24 hours on antibiotics for her to get back to normal but when you kid gets sick on Christmas the only available option for you to get those handy dandy antibiotics is to go to the ER or other Urgent Care Center. This is also the only available option for every other sick and injured person… so yeah… the wait time at the places we called were ridiculous. We opted to wait until the day after we knew she had an ear infection in order to get her into our Pediatrician’s After Hours clinic. Ear drops, Ibuprofen, a pacifier we have been working so hard to get her to stop using, and lots of love got us through those few days.
The good news is that today is the last day of December. This hellish month is over. I’m at 90% with my illness and only have a lingering cough that I’m only slightly afraid might be pneumonia but I’m also pretty sure I’m fine.
January… you HAVE got to be better for me. You have to. I’ll give you one million internet dollars.