Traveling with Kids

Let’s start this post off by coming right out and saying it.  Traveling with kids is a fucking nightmare.  Those little things require so much crap, and they suck at carrying things.  They also suck at walking quickly, and walking long distances.  This means I have to carry them, their crap, AND my crap.

Mommy needs a drink after thinking about it.

First you need sippy cups, snacks, backup snacks in case the suddenly decide they don’t like their favorite food, pacifiers, quiet toys that are big enough to find on the floor with the 3″ of additional legroom but not so big you can’t fit a variety of options in their carry on, aspirin for yourself and for them, and more snacks that you can shove at them to keep them happy on a 3 hour flight.

Then is getting on the flight itself. We fly with a car seat because it is safer and better for baby containment. You may or may not have noticed, but those things are hard to install under normal conditions… Add a line of people that are pissed off at you for bringing young children on a plane and it gets even funner.

By funner I mean it makes me want to stab myself in the eye.

Remember back in the day when they used to allow people who needed extra time to board the plane first?  Yeah, not anymore… and get prepared for nasty comments from the gate agents if you try.  We have to wait until group 3…. with what seems like 85% of the rest of the plane.

Now that that part is out of the way… Let’s talk about the other thing that sucks? Watching every person who gets on the plane realize they are on a plane with small kids.  You can almost see their thoughts… “Sigh… I have to get on this plane but I’m going to read/nap… aww, cute kid!  Wait… kid… kid on plane.  Mother fucker.”

Yep.  We parents, we can see you.  And for the most part we wish they weren’t here either.  You can’t logic a kid.  You can’t convince a kid that they do need to stay still and quiet for however long the flight is.  Best you can do is pray that all of the things you packed will keep them entertained enough to stay happy but not so entertained that they get excited.  Squeals of happiness are still loud and obnoxious noises to your neighbors.

I’ll make a deal with you though…. I’ll try my damndest to keep my kids well behaved, you try not to make that job any harder for me.

  • Reclining seats are somewhat controversial, but here is something to think about… My kid’s feet cannot reach your seat if you leave it upright.  If you recline it not only can my child’s feet reach your seat, they don’t really have anywhere else to go.  If you are going to recline your seat in front of a child you might get kicked and bumped the entire flight and I can only do so much about it.
  • I know you were looking forward to that giant bag of candy whatever… can you please maybe try not to eat it in front of my three year old who would like to think random strangers are OK with sharing.  I wish my family could have sat on one row just as much as you do…. talk to the airline about only having middle and window seats available.
  • Please remember that these seats are only 20″ apart.  I can hear you talking shit about having a headache because my kid cried for less than 30 seconds during takeoff and that I need to “make that thing happy.”  I might be bitchy and vindictive and probably won’t try so hard the next time she starts kicking the crap out of your seat and throwing cheerios in your general direction.  Just saying.


 photo credit: “Paper Planes” by pristyles licensed under CC BY 4.0